COMMUNICATION
“There are few better remedies for anxiety than thought. In writing a problem down or airing it in conversation we let its essential aspects emerge. And by knowing its character, we remove, if not the problem itself, then its secondary, aggravating characteristics: confusion, displacement, surprise”
Sometimes it is natural for us to judge, when someone speaks we can tend to have ideas about them and we put things into a category with labels, but these judgements can dominate our minds making it difficult for us to find any peace. When we can communicate openly and honestly, from a space of vulnerability, and when we can listen open and honestly without preconceived ideas, it becomes a monumental shift that allows us to delve deeper into our own feelings and emotions. Here we can find greater inner peace while feeling true trust, connection and understanding. If you aren’t open to real, honest conversation, you will fail to feel what it feels like to have genuine, beautiful relationships. You have to be prepared to be vulnerable, to sit in discomfort, to say the difficult things - these help us grow, others grow, while building tremendous depth and connection - vital for us to be fully alive.
Sharing
Find a friend in your life that you are comfortable talking to and practice a daily sharing of the things you did that day or the feelings you had that day, anything at all that was meaningful for you. You can do this in person, over the phone or even via email or letters. Before you do, reflect on these questions...
• What are your usual topics of conversation?
• Is there a topic you wish would come up in conversation which never does?
• What do you want to talk to your friends about that you wish you could?
Now - start the conversation. Start many conversations! Pick up that phone, that pen and paper, start typing that email! Start. Aim to connect with 3 friends this week via the medium you feel best. Maybe call one friend, catch up with another for a coffee or walk and email or send that old-school letter to someone else. Use the prompts above to ask questions you want to discuss more, use this space to open up dialogue on a challenge you’re facing. Just be honest, vulnerable and bold.
We grow up in a society where sharing and being open and honest can be seen as a weakness. Sharing is a great strength, a strength that is powerful in freeing us from the shackles that can tie us down. For some reason when you say things out loud to someone else it makes it more difficult to lie to yourself, we plant the seeds to slowly and surely become a softer and more compassionate human being. By sharing and by creating an extremely open pathway of communication it paves the way for stronger and more trusting relationships.
Spend 10 minutes reflecting on your conversations. This might be best to do while going for a walk or sitting outside under a tree. Did you say everything on your mind? Did you leave anything out because you weren’t sure how they would respond? How did you feel - nervous, angry, stressed? How do you feel now? Can you follow-up with them next week to open up further, or can you help them out in anyway? If you feel you have more to say, can you make another phone call or organise another coffee…
When you hear your own voice speaking out loud and planting words into the stratosphere forever, for all to hear, it is like a pressure valve releasing, in this way sharing is group therapy. Genuine honesty and sharing takes courage and it is this authentic honesty that makes all the difference in transforming our suffering into our true happiness.
“Fear is the principal reason why men are so unwilling to admit facts and so anxious to wrap themselves round in a warm garment of myth. Those who deceive themselves generally know at bottom that they are doing so, and live in a state of apprehension lest some untoward event should force unwelcome realizations upon them”
GUIDED MEDITATION: 7 MINUTEs | smile to being brave
WEEKLY INQUIRY
WHERE OUR MY JUDGEMENTS COMING FROM?
*"We are constantly generating judgements about our experience almost everything we see is labelled and categorised by the mind. We react to everything we experience in terms of what we think its value is to us. This habit of categorising and judging our experience locks us into mechanical reactions that we are not even aware of that often have no objective bases at all." - Jon Kabat – Zinn
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Talk: Celeste Headlee on 10 ways to have a better conversation
FINAL THOUGHTS
The greatest gift we can give someone is our presence - listen - be interested. Listen with the aim to understand, not just respond.
remember to breathe…..
*image credit @thestampedetrail