Breaking Free from the Pleasure Trap: How Cravings Hold Us Prisoner and What It Takes to Reclaim Our Lives
In today's world, we are constantly bombarded with messages to satisfy our cravings. Advertisements urge us to indulge, whether it’s food, entertainment, or sex. The idea is that fulfillment comes from feeding these desires as soon as they arise. Industries like pornography, strip clubs, and brothels thrive on this mentality, convincing us that we should act on our urges immediately. Yet, when it comes to sex, satisfying these cravings offers only momentary relief before the same desires resurface, often even stronger.
For years, I found myself caught in this cycle, chasing fleeting satisfaction through sex without ever understanding why. I was a slave to my cravings, seeking relief from loneliness, boredom, or ego. It wasn’t until I participated in mindfulness training at Plum Village Monastery in France that I confronted this pattern. Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings revealed how “sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others.” It took time to grasp the connection between my cravings and the suffering they caused, but once I did, it became clear: my actions were driven by fear, ego, and an inability to simply be with myself.
I decided to make a radical change—I was going to give up sex for six months. This wasn’t about resisting desire for the sake of a challenge but about understanding the roots of my cravings. I wanted to explore my discomfort, loneliness, and ego without giving in to easy distractions. The more I sat with these feelings, the less power they held over me. Over time, the cravings that had once dictated my actions began to fade.
During this period of abstinence, I gained clarity in all areas of my life. Relationships, once built on physical attraction and superficial desires, transformed into meaningful connections. I learned that true love is not about satisfying urges but cultivating kindness, compassion, joy, and inclusiveness—the four pillars of what Thich Nhat Hanh calls “True Love.” For the first time, I had relationships that weren’t centered around sex but were based on mutual respect and understanding.
Our society, obsessed with desire, distracts itself from deeper issues. Hook-up culture and dating apps like Tinder and Grindr are fueled by the need to constantly satisfy cravings, often without reflection. As a result, we avoid confronting the loneliness, fear, and insecurity that drive our actions. If we paused and reflected on why we chase these desires, we might find that we are simply running from ourselves.
True happiness doesn’t come from satisfying every craving but from learning to be content with ourselves. As Bertrand Russell said, “Being happy in himself, he will be a pleasant companion, and this in turn will increase his happiness.” This realization is key to forming genuine, loving relationships. Too many relationships begin as distractions from deeper emotional pain, often leading to dissatisfaction, divorce, or unhappiness.
When I stopped running from my cravings, I found peace. I became more grounded and less susceptible to the distractions of the modern world. My relationships improved, my mental clarity sharpened, and I felt more in tune with my true self. The world might tell us that desires must be fed, but the real growth happens when we resist the urge to chase after them. Instead, we find contentment in being, not doing.
By embracing stillness, we can better understand our motivations, break free from harmful cycles, and create a life filled with genuine peace and connection—one that isn’t dictated by fleeting cravings but by a deeper sense of self-awareness and love.