Embrace the Journey: Why Experiences Enrich Life More Than Possessions
Philosopher Nietske emphasised the lived life - a move away from a preoccupation with trivial concerns - he told us to avoid the unlived life and to live boldly and fully.
Life is fickle, ever-changing and inconstant, and for me there is no greater tragedy to witness a life unlived, unexamined, not considered, not explored. Not deep enough, not well enough.
In today’s modern, uber-connected, world it is easy to get lost in the pursuit of things - shinier, brighter, faster, better, more. This makes the examination side, one preached by many a philosopher, and made popular by Socrates and his unexamined life not worth living idea, all the more difficult. With limited time, busy and tired, it is easy to be lured into the buy-my-happiness culture in the pursuit of feeling good quickly. And, we see how quickly we can fall prey to a consumer society that attacks our attention and aims to manipulate and confuse, that targets each of our own insecurities and delicate imperfections so vividly that we yearn for that next click of the buy now button.
This pursuit is an endless cycle. Schopenhauer wrote that “the accumulation of wealth and goods is endless and unsatisfying. The more we possess, the more our claims multiply.” He says “Wealth is like seawater, the more we drink, the thirstier we become, and in the end, we don’t have our goods, they have us.”
In the process we become disconnected from ourselves and disconnected from creating wholesome joy - so we are left with the option of merely continuing the cycle. We don’t give up that lacklustre relationship, that mundane job, that boring location. We stay treading water in the domain of the unlived life. Where every desire is a flimsy call to action. Where we get pushed and pulled from all angles with little control over the direction we head - falling prey, yet again. We listen to the wrong people, and we never give up on all our superficial, well-conditioned, goals - helped along by all the wrong people. This means that sadly, critically, we don’t experience things - we just buy them. And, in choosing things over experiences again and again we do our happiness and well-being, our relationships, our life, our planet, a tremendous disservice. In settling for a quick fix, we miss the truer beauty that lies just below.
Hyped up by a capitalist system and the neoliberal assault that applauds material wealth and status more than character, integrity, kindness, good health, and intellectual wealth - we help alter the structures and ecosystems that our young ones grow up in. They too learn to jump in line, and online, turning to the quick allure of retail therapy to satisfy their ever-burgeoning desires. They watch Mum and Dad with too little time, they see their own park time diminish, and their TV and iPad time increase. The streetlights no longer inform them when it’s time to come home, they are already home, but further from home. For they are too often completely disconnected from their bodies and their emotions, and they soon see little value in the experience of things, and all of it in the acquisition of them. Little by little, day by day, 15 more minutes on the iPad, and these little ones can so easily fall into a dangerous pattern.
Physician Gabor Mate says “Our tolerance for uncomfortable or negative emotions becomes lower every time we reach for a device for distraction. By constantly turning to our phones or iPads our ability to identify and regulate our emotions becomes significantly compromised.” We need to be super skilful in teaching our young ones to use technology for the function it was developed and not just depend on it for their emotional or attachment needs.
We need to be super skilful in not letting our addiction to the accumulation of material wealth continually compromise our free time. Our time with our kids. Our time camping in nature. Our time walking outside. Our time simply laying on our backs on a grassy knoll. Many of us are drinking too much seawater and now our thirst has passed on to our kids and they too yearn for a taste. Our kids have become accustomed to having 4 weeks leave each year too - as young as 8 they learn that that’s the only time they see their Mum and Dad - and the only time they get to go outside. But by now they too are bored and restless, longing for that long morning, face to face with their treasured iPad.
Because the less talked about the impact of technology is it takes away our interests. The less talked about the impact of our search for material success is we can grow up with little or no interests at all. We think when we are young that the main thing we need to invest in for a good retirement is our financial wealth, but from my observations and conversations with retirees, that falls well down on the list. Along the way, we forget what we actually enjoy. When we turn to things, over and over, we sooner or later impact our interests. We buy something and we feel good - for a moment - but we don’t learn. We don’t ever feel beyond a quick, superficial, dopamine hit and we never create real, wholesome, long-lasting joy. We have so little time after a long week, 5 days, sometimes 6 days at work, and maybe even one day planning for the next week ahead, that we have so little value for experiences - the real ones, the good ones.
It’s in experiences where we really play. In play, we are curious, interested, alive.
I’m yet to meet a vibrant, engaged elder with a meaningful, connected life who doesn’t have a lot of interests. These interests then help multiply all the other good things in their lives - their health, physical and mental, their capacity to bounce back from obstacles, their options and opportunities.
When we choose things, we eventually become limited to merely more things.
We get old and things go wrong - inevitably - and the only thing we can turn to for support is just another thing. And of course that only lasts a short time, and provides short-term relief, and “whola” - we suffer again and again.
The things route - disconnects us from our bodies, from our ability to identify and regulate our emotions, from creating wholesome joy wherever and whenever we want it, it zaps our zest for living, it numbs us, distracts us, kills our “humanness”, turns us into products and consumers and steers us down a rigid and mundane highway where the longer we continue heading straight ahead, the more we have little choice but to merely and desperately continue to buy our so-called happiness.
The repercussions of working so much - and I know it is a delicate and very complex balancing act - but the repercussions if we are not careful is that we can teach our dear young ones that there is no joy, no life, no beauty in being “unproductive.”
The hold, this notion of productivity, has over us is deep, and well entrenched. I feel it, in moments where not a lot is happening, restlessness or unease enters my body and mind, and I start to question whether I could be using this time in a better way. A time to work on projects, to finish off the to-do list? It is like a soft fear starts to boil, that needs to be emptied. And, if I feel it, I’m almost certain that you do too. It is challenging to become aware of its presence, without letting it run wild. But we need to, otherwise, we can so easily lose the beauty in nothingness, in sitting, in relaxation, in walking. Everything has to be done for a reason, to get somewhere, to accomplish something, and we only get further away from experiencing these parts of life, without merely rushing past them en route to the other, bigger, more important objectives.
In always seeking entertainment, in the thunderous ring of a kid’s game, in the bright colours of the latest TV advertisement, in the sensational news headline, in the chance to win big from yet another Sportsbet campaign, we only find it harder and harder to untangle ourselves from the urge to always be doing something. And the further we get along, the more stuck we get. For many, it doesn’t matter what we are doing, as long as we are doing. The other side of it, the nothingness, the slowness, is uncomfortable and scary.
And, thus we then find it harder to find the energy to whip the kids up for a camping trip, for a trek to the waterfall, or for the early morning surf in the ocean. The noise from the iPad becomes more inviting than the sounds of the crashing off-shore waves, and much easier to get.
Our kids, not only less able to identify and regulate their emotions due to the speed of our modern world, and already learning how to navigate a complex enough world, now…never get to connect to nature, to really enjoy the world, the birds, rivers, and forests…. and if they never connect to it, they never love it, if they never love it, they never care about it, and if they never care about it, then - well - they may grow up in a world where tigers and black cockatoos become like dinosaurs - a story of what used to be - a type of make-believe sci-fi parable of what used to live around us, before we became…. too busy…. too addicted to things.
But, on a far more simple level, they may miss out on those experiences - the ocean, forests, animals - not in 50 years - but just right now. And, that’s a shame, bordering on tragedy.
Because I think, I have found, the true beauty of life is always found in experiences - not things. In experiences we find interests and human connection, we learn to care for ourselves and others….and perhaps there is no coincidence between the emergence of a preoccupation with things and a devaluing of community. In collecting experiences we tend to our health - physically and mentally, as we grow older, better, more connected, more engaged, and more vital. Nietske emphasised the lived life - a move away from a preoccupation with trivial concerns - he told us to avoid the unlived life - to live boldly and fully. I don’t know if any of that is found in things. I don’t think you can buy that.
And, of course, life is not always that simple. And it is so easy to fall into buying things, into using things, especially when it seems we have less and less time. And it is easy to let these things become a way in which we communicate, the way we say to friends that we are doing well, a sign of success, even a sign of love. I love you, here’s something nice I got you. And, that’s kind of cool, but also not, in so many ways. For many years now I have been gifting experiences and not presents. I’ve found these are especially good for the little ones, nephews and nieces, but even with Mum and Dad and older friends. Last Christmas I gave the young ones a letter with a choice of 3 experiences, the adventurer package with hiking and surfing, the entertainer with a play and lunch. I’ve found that experiences are the best things to share - because they are shared with time, energy and care - they are shared by real human connections. We human beings are hardwired to connect with others and experiences just might be the gateway - a gateway that brings a joy that lasts a little longer, and a gateway into learning a little more about yourself and the world around you too.
And, I’m not saying that things are all bad. Because things can bring us joy. If purchased to be used to enrich our lives. And they should be used to rejoice in life, to enjoy our lives more, not for collection. That’s when we run into a problem. In that sense it is a bit like money, so many people get it and merely spend their lives trying to protect it. There is a big difference between buying an expensive pair of shoes, one to be used for hiking mountains, and the other to keep super white and carefully dodge puddles because your favourite basketball player wears them. At least play basketball in them. The same for a big house where friends are rarely invited over for dinner. A pool no one swims in.
The only people who lay on their deathbeds and say they wished their house was bigger or that they wish they got those new Nike Air Maxes, are the people who never did anything with their lives, or at least never did any thinking for themselves - and to avoid the unlived life, you have to start thinking for yourself, that just might be number one. We need things, we do, but we need balance, and I dare say that that balance should always skew in favour of experiences. Right now, and I encourage you to do the same, I can’t think of one thing - one object - that comes to mind when I think of a fond memory in my life. I tried hard to think of a cricket bat I liked but only could bring to memory the friends I played with and the places we played. I think of surfing, and it's the waves and headlands, and the people there, never the board. And, we need the board to surf, right, so get it out of the garage and use it. Same with the bikes, the golf clubs, the kayak. Our lives are riddled with these objects that make us feel good for a moment, sadly too often only at the checkout, that we must allow to make us feel good for a lifetime. And, let's not forget things like walking, very good in a recession, and once you can enjoy a simple walk, you are free forever.
It is our responsibility to find the time, to create the space, so our health and vitality, the health and happiness and interests and dreams of our young ones and the well-being and longevity of our ecosystems are considered, examined, and valued through all stages of our lives - not just on holidays, or when we have gotten the things we want.
The opposite of accumulation is experience.
Collect experiences, not things.
Stay Cool. Evan Sutter.
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